Thursday, July 03, 2008

Who is to say?


Who can say what night sees
the ant, the octopus, the tree
How scant is a moment when all is still fresh
flighty mothorbutterfly
ending before it begins.
A child bit the apple
handed it to me
Tomorrow she will be
The next
it's over.

6 Comments:

Blogger Hopper said...

Wow... this is a very powerful piece... evokes a lot of ideas in my mind... though I try to be cautious interpreting others poetry... I'm going to give it a go...

I love what you've done on the word level -- mothorbutterfly -- and the line breaks and punctuation are apt and add to the whole...

The sonics of the rhyme are nice too... subtle... starts with a rhyme but leaves off... to give another rhyme on ME and BE later... adds to mood and expectation and sets up your very striking closing line... the line that leaves the reader with the moment of pause... when we decide to reread and look deeper... to peel the apple...

Also low on plosives which adds to a soft sort of feeling... like a whisper...

And the themes... that element that I'm not big on trying to strike into (because I believe at least from my own experience of working and crafting poetry, from hearing others interpret my words, that often meaning and theme can be individualized for each reader)... I'll try this with a series of words:

Eve

sin

adder

innocence

expectation

hurt

======================
But don't mind me... I do want to thank you for this lovely poem... you're an excellent crafter of words and ideas... it's very good of you to share this with us all... many writers are not so forthcoming with their work...

Hope these words find you well...

JON

7/3/08, 9:15 PM  
Blogger goatman said...

Makes me feel remorseful, and melancholy.
The photo is a great depiction of the apple; and moon in background.

7/7/08, 11:44 AM  
Blogger Ben said...

The end truly justifies the beginning of another....

7/7/08, 4:03 PM  
Blogger Echo said...

Hopper, I like your theme, it makes me look at the words differently.

goatman, It is a kind of melancholy I have been contemplaiting a lot. The end of enjoyment which I know will not be but still is worrysome.

Ben, yes, but where to.

7/8/08, 12:18 AM  
Blogger MAN IN PAINTING said...

Life eats itself
chases its own tail
ends up in formalin
with memories of innocents sins..

wonderful!

8/24/08, 5:15 AM  
Blogger human being said...

seeing all... in just a moment...

deeeep

8/24/08, 1:32 PM  

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